In January I decided to take a break from social media. I was reading a book a week, which was unusual for me. The books: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin, The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, and A Season in Hell by Arthur Rimbaud. I felt connected and in lockstep with everything around me, but I also felt a longing to be seen and heard. People often turn to myths and spiritual paths to fill the voids we cannot shake from within. Each piece is a fragmented reflection of that journey for me. The series is a rejection of a linear narrative and invitation to surrender to the present. While reading A Season in Hell by Arthur Rimbaud, I found myself rolling my eyes at how dramatic he was. Blake interrupted to ask what animal I wanted to be. I said, “a flying turtle.” Humans and turtles cannot fly, but sometimes in my mind - I am as dramatic as Rimbaud, a Sally Mann landscape, or a pope filtered through Bacon’s brushes. Then- I awake, fall, and realize you are…
here with me.
Smoke: letting go, incense, offering
Chairs: loneliness, invitation, awe, presence, think, surrender
Charcoal: drama, dream, myth
Painting: versions of reality
Wheat: love, resurrection, fluidity, change
Inspired by my drives through the Mississippi landscape and Catholic iconography, these self portraits explore meditations on space and belonging.
“These people are blemishes at your love feasts,
eating with you without the slightest qualm—
shepherds who feed only themselves.
They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind;
autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted— twice dead.”
-The Book of Jude, verse 12
“Yet with his hands Love wipes my weeping eyes,
Saying, this toil will end in happy cheer;
What costs the heart so much, must needs be dear!”
-Michelangelo to Tommaso de’ Cavalieri
Flesh/Spirit is a response to the passages above. Jonathan uses his kitchen table, the figure, heart, found photos, and nature as tools to help communicate a fear and acceptance of death. What will be left in the end? Why do people and the government ignore the deaths of minorities? Are we the blemishes? Jonathan used these questions to create realities in his work. “I hope this series reveals how we create our own worldview to deal with fear. For me, I make the fear beautiful. Some will call it naive. I call it hope.” This is Adams’ fourth series dealing with what it means to be an LGBTQ person in the southern United States.
This body of work is on display at The Living Room Gallery in Water Valley, Mississippi. The gallery is owned and curated by Amelia presents.
Coming out felt like joining the circus. People wanted to see and hear about the spectacle. A gay boy who loved God in Mississippi. The Myth of the Beast is my way of confronting insecurities and moving into love. The act of painting and imagery used allow an escape from judgment and transition to love.
In this series, most of the paintings are at night. I want the viewer to feel like they are walking in the dark. The circus elements represent religion and judgment. I paint myself in uncomfortable circumstances and show the viewer that one can still be content. The figures are all self-portraits planted within the landscape with the exception of my love. Finally, the anatomical heart symbolizes that what is within us can unite and set us free.
Most of my life, I believed I was a beast. Many LGBTQ+ people feel this way in places that demonize their existence. I grow in confidence by freeing myself from the power of people’s judgement. If I survive the dark nights, I always have hope. My new work challenges the myth in my mind, ignites constructions into flames, and offers a window to where I go to find freedom.
The idea for "Splinter" arose from these characteristics. Like the fragments and pieces of the structure, the artists in this exhibition represent a part of a whole. They are splinters of groups who suffer beneath the weight of oppression. Whether it is race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or socio-economic status, these groups are broken from a history of discrimination. But like splinters, they are sharp and alert us to our carelessness. They force themselves into our lives and command our attention, bringing light to the way minorities are treated in the South.
"Splinter" also represents hope. This exhibition is but a fragment of what is possible in a community when we address these issues. By bringing together diverse groups and ideas, we can challenge oppressive power structures and break apart negative stereotypes. And through our collaboration, we can revitalize neighborhoods and communities, all while retaining their unique history and character.
Over the years I have ingested text and social norms preached to me by churches, media, teachers, and peers. The body of work you see before you is a response to my process of accepting, rejecting, and redefining those words and norms to create an identity.
The process of painting is similar to the way an identity is formed. We shape ourselves by layering information received or dismissed. The figure is central to communication, because any text ever recorded or spoken has a face and voice delivering the message. I used paint, anatomy, and text to create these particular figures. By allowing the viewer to see these layers, it is my purpose that the viewer understands that one cannot simply walk away from the messages one hears unaltered. Through the application of paint certain areas of the figure are rendered and other parts left undone or exaggerated. This allows the viewer to travel through my painting process as well as take a visual journey through how I formed my identity as a gay person.
Many LGBTQ people grow up without a structural space that supports their existence. Most of the time institutions and social norms leave us on the outskirts. I used symbols that represent perfection in order to challenge the viewer to contemplate the LGBTQ community in a new way. I also used objects that became sacred to me when I felt nothing physical could support me. I am interested in challenging the viewer to explore the way these figures and objects exist in a space that is not determined by the traditional canvas. The ambiguous space represented is the place where I have sought out God, where I have tried to work through the fact that my physical experience in life is in stark contrast to what is so often preached to me.
Throughout history, art often reflects the culture and beliefs of the time. We live in a time where cultural and religious views towards the LGBTQ community are shifting. In this space the viewer is challenged to understand my own response of navigating through the changing texts and conversations and determine their own response to the shifting norms. This is my humble attempt to insert my own representation of the LGBTQ community into art history. We are a people that not only experience the sacred but delight in it, we are a people with a unique identity, with many layers, some formed by ingesting those texts and social norms, and some formed by challenging those same institutions and offering a new and beautiful perspective.
Something about cutting the old away and adding the new allows me the ability to curate the history of images. I manipulate images in a way that communicates the narrative I want to see and believe.
After the Orlando shooting, I was emotionally moved to respond. I wanted to know more about the victims. I kept revisting the pain, so I would not be numb to the challenges the LGBTQ community faces. I also wanted you and me to see their faces and know their names. A teacher once told me art could live forever. My hope is these portraits will do that. Honor their lives forever. I wish the families and loved ones peace in the years to come, and maybe one day I hope the portraits will spread a joy that breaks through the pain. I know that some of the portraits do not look exactly like the victims, but I hope in some small way they will be more like a memory. I love you all. Please spread love to one another. It really will change the world.
Peter Gonzalez-Cruz, 22, also known as Peter Ommy. He worked for UPS in Orlando. I will be posting these over the next few weeks. I want to honor these people. My people. Our people. I'm proud to be their family.
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36. Worked in merchandising for Toys "R" Us. His roommate said, "He was always willing to help everybody."
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22. He was a telemarketer in school at the University of Central Florida. He had just come out to his family before the new year. His cousin said, "He was always this amazing person.. He was like a big brother to me."
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32. Friends call her "Dee Dee." She worked at Pulse.
Mercedes Marisol Flores, 26. She studied at Valencia college in Orlando. She worked at Target in Davenport. She was with friend and victim, Amanda Alvear.
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35. Stage name Eman Valentino. He was a dancer. He was the father of a preschooler. His friend, Kyle, said, " He was one of the best dads I know."
Brenda Lee Marquez, 49. Known as Brenda McCool. Brooklyn, NY. She was on the dance floor with her son and niece. They both survived. Wilson Cruz said, "She was a fighter. A cancer survivor. A stellar mother. A proud and fierce advocate for her LGBT family. She spoke passionately about how much she loved her children. She was hilarious and loving and tore up the dance floor when salsa or anything was playing. I can't believe she's gone. I mourn with her kids and my entire family."
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25. Business owner from Michigan. His brother Chavis Crosby said, "He was very ambitious. Whatever goal he had in mind, he worked hard."
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29. Lived in Jacksonville, FL. His employer, Jacksonville campus president Lisamarie Winslow, told the Flordia Times-Union "He always had a smile on his face and was a very nice guy. He definately leaves an impression and had a big personality and he is missed ... We are trying to navigate this. There is no plan for this."
Amanda Alvear, 25. She was my age. She loved taking selfies. She planned to be a nurse. She said she felt safe in gay bars and they were more fun. Amanda has been seen on the viral snapchat while the guns were shooting. Her brother said when asked if he was angry, "She wouldn't want hate or anger spread in her name. She would want you to hug your family." According to others- she was fun to be around.
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35. He lived in Kissimmee, FL. He was partnered to Luis Daniel Wilson Leon, who also died in Pulse. The two met over the counter at Perfumania, according the guardian article. "He laughed with the people and would make jokes," said Claudia Agudelo, who worked with Perez at the Orlando Vineland Premium Outlets store. "He was always happy."
Luis S. Vielma, 22. He worked at the Harry Potter themed ride in Orlando. He lived in Sanford. Josh Boesch said, "He was always a friend you could call. He was always open and available." You may be familiar with him, bc JK Rowling tweeted about him.
Kimberly Morris, 37. She was the bouncer that always wore a smile at Pulse. She was passionate about basketball and MMA fighting. Starr Shelton said, "She was so excited. She had just started working there and told me how she was thrilled to get more involved in the LGBT community there." Her friends call her "KJ." KJ's selfie is one I keep going back to. I can imagine the joy she brought to the world.
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20. He was a barista like me. He worked at Starbucks. I think about all the coffee jokes we could probably share. He was a dancer. His cousin said, "he loved himself, and he loved others. He was very open, he lived who he was. He knew he was beautiful, he knew it, and he flaunted it." Others said, "he was like sunshine."
Edward Sotomayor Jr, 34. He was a brand manager for an LGBT travel agency. His friends called him- 🎩"top-hat Eddie." He always wore a black top hat to events. Jason Howell said, "He was one of the greatest guys I've ever met. He touched so many people's lives, because he's such a positive person. He would do anything for anybody."
Akyra Murray, 18. She was the youngest victim. She graduated 3rd in her class. Scored over 1,000 points on her basketball team. She had signed a letter of intent to play basketball in college. She was on a graduation trip with her family. She had contacted her mom during the shooting. She was shot in the arm and told her mom she was bleeding a lot and hiding in the bathroom. Her mom never heard from her again. Her mom said, "she was very loving, caring, out to help anybody."
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33. He was in a local cover band called, Frequency. Hours before the shooting he had performed on stage. He started singing professionally in 2010. His friend Dedrick Tillerson said, "R.I.H my friend. It will be because your spirit that we now beef up the fight. I remember when I first moved to Orlando. You were one the first ppl I met. Boy did I learn quite a few things from...See More
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30. Father of 3. He worked at a Mexican catering company. He liked mango tea lemonade from Auntie Anne's his brother said. One person wrote on his Facebook page that he was "an amazing loving caring person."
Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33. He was a biologics assistant at One Blood Donation Center. This is the same center that people have been standing in line to donate. He is a Puerto Rican Native. He recently bought a house in Kissimmee. His friend m, Johnny Rivera Muñiz, told the Orlando Sentinel, "He loved to dance salsa and all kinds of Latin dancing," Muñiz said. "He didn't even drink because he had a long drive home and always wanted to be safe."
Antonio Davon Brown, 29. He was a captain in the US Army from Cocoa Beach, FL. The Guardian new source online writes, "His service record shows he had been deployed to Kuwait from April 2010 to March 2011 and received, among other awards, the Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary Medal and the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal. Brown graduated from the Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University in 2008, the school said in a statement. He was a criminal justice major and a member of the ROTC and the Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity while in college."
Yilmary Rodriguez Sulivan, 24. Her friends called her Mary. She was married and had 2 children. She was at Pulse with her brother in law, Sabad Borges. He survived. The two were also with their friend, Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega. He died trying to protect Mary.
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32. He was known for his activism for the LGBT community. He died with his boyfriend at Pulse. One of their friends said they were "like little Swiss Army knives, always balancing each other out and pulling out whatever they needed." His friends called him, Drew. He had a bachelor and masters degree in psychology. He was passionate about the queer community having access to support and counseling. He received the Anne Frank Humanitarian Award for all he did for the gay community. A friend on Facebook said, " After Leinonen's name was released, messages from friends, family, and admirers filled his Facebook page. Not only did they mention Leinonen's compassion and activism, but they expressed a deep love for Leinonen and Guerrero as a couple. One commenter described them as "so in love." Another said, "Rest in Peace, Drew and Juan. You were both a joy to be around, and seeing the number of lives you have touched in one way or another is simply staggering. I'm glad I got to catch up and hug you one last time after your haircut, Juan. You will both be greatly missed, and you will NEVER be forgotten." Juan and Drew will be having a joint funeral. This one was really hard for me, because I can't help but think of Blake and me.
Franky Jimmy DeJesus Velazquez, 50. He was a native of San Juan, Puerto Rico. He worked as a visual merchandiser for Forever 21. He was a professional Jibaro dancer. I didn't know what that was. It's a type of cultural and folkloric Puerto Rican dance. He traveled the world doing it!
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31. His friends called him- Jerry! He was celebrating his friends 21st Birthday at Pulse. He worked at Disney World. He attended Northeastern University. A friend wrote on Facebook, "Jerry, you touched the lives of countless people, and you will continue to live on in our hearts and memories. #pulse #orlando #gaypride
I hope Jerry wouldn't mind, but I'm adding my own bit to this post. It's late here, and I'm about to travel home a few hours away, bc my birthday is tomorrow. I didn't really feel like making art, but I knew I needed to. I found it weird that the first guy I painted tonight, Drew was sitting behind his birthday cupcake. And this guy was celebrating his friends birthday. I started crying again, of course because all of this is so sad- but also I knew I was doing exactly what I'm called to do in this moment.
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37. His friends called Lestat Wilson. He managed a shoe store. Like his partner, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, another victim at Pulse, Wilson-Leon grew up in Puerto Rico and moved to the Orlando area. "A wonderful young man full of life, who endured countless days of bullying while growing up, by cruel people calling him all sorts of horrendous homophobic slurs," friend Daniel Gmys-Casiano wrote on Facebook . "He was the first person on this earth I came out to, and he always protected and loved his friends. His strength and character was always an inspiration to all of us."
Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24. He moved from Puerto Rico to the United States to pursue his dreams. He was a producer for the show, "La Voz Kids." The show is similar to the voice. He died protecting Yilmary. I did her portrait earlier with yellow halo. ‘My friend Jonathan A. Camuy you died like a hero, wrote Borges. ‘People Jonathan's body was found protecting my sister-in-law. I love you from here to the sky, where [you] are resting." Borges was in Pulse with Yilmary and Jonathan.
Paul Terrell Henry, 41. He loved to dance and have fun. He was good at pool. He played the piano, organ, and sang. He once helped start a church with a lady. He had two kids. He also had a boyfriend. A lady that worked with Paul said, "He was the life of the call center. He was over the top and made everyone smile." #pulse #orlando #gaypride
If you know anymore information-please post below. I really hope you guys will continue to read these in the days to come. Celebrate these beautiful lives with me. Fight for the rights for equality in their honor! We must not stop, because so many are silent.
Cory James Connell, 21. He was at Pulse with his girlfriend. She was also shot, but is in recovery at the hospital. Cory worked at Publix. He was in school for sports/broadcasting and journalism. I think it's important that we always thank our allies. If you speak up for the LGBTQ community. We thank you. If you dance the night away with us, thank you! Cory, THANK YOU!
Jean Carlos Nieves Rodriguez, 27. He was a manager for a check cash business. He bought his first house a few month ago. A friend said, "He was just a caring, loving guy--just like a big teddy bear." She went on to say, "He wanted to be the best at what he did, and he would work very hard to achieve that. So if he had to put in the long hours to get it right, he would do it. If he had to stay to work a double, he did it. That's why whatever job he went to, he became manager." Isn't that inspiring? I think we could all learn from him to be the best we can be. We can learn to work hard to achieve a goal. He will be missed by many. Also, one of the reasons he bought his house was to provide a nice place for his mom to live!
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32. He worked in construction. He was very religious. He would send money back home to his family in Mexico. His friend said, "He was the best. He was loyal. He was always trying to do stuff to make you feel better." This is one of my favorites, because I got to say his name at the Vigil in Oxford, Mississippi. Now, I know what he looks like. I know that he was religious like me, and that he was good to others.
Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, 25. The Orlando Sentinel talked about how much he loved to dance from an early age. Friends said he was full of joy on the dance floor. He moved to Orlando to become a choreographer. He is originally from Puerto Rico. He went to Pulse with his roommates. Both of them survived.
Martin Benitez Torres, 33. Martin was from Puerto Rico. He was visiting family in Orlando. There are cute videos on his Facebook of him hanging out with his family prior to the shooting. He went to Pulse with his partner who was injured. My favorite part of his portrait was the ring on his necklace. It reminded me that love will live on and hopefully we will all end up on the side of love. I know that's corny, but we should commit to that.
Stanley Almodovar III, 23. He is from Springfield, MA- but lived in Clermont, FL. His mom raced to Pulse when she got the phone call. He died at the hospital. She said that he had a huge heart and loved to change hairstyles. She said he had just dyed his hair before going out to Pulse. Everyone has a friend that loves to change their hair. I'm thinking of my friend, Kelly. On his Facebook there are a lot of kind messages. One friend said, "So many things i could say about how amazing you are as a person, u left a huge impression on my life Stanley. Brought a smile to my face everytime I was down. Its going to be hard walking into work and not seeing you bounce around like you always do. Going to miss you coming around the corner to my desk and checking on me. I really and truley am going to miss my “work bae”. It was a honor to get to know one of the most beautiful souls that God had on this earth. With love to you and your family. Sending my prayers babe."
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25. He was a performer. He loved to sing. He choreographed. He loved the stage. He worked as a leasing agent at Auvers Village Apartments in Orlando. According to his coworker, Yolanda, he was always singing and filling the office with music. She said, "He sang Adele in the office until we couldn't take it anymore. It just feels very quiet, now."
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24. He worked at Chase Morgan Bank. Friends say he was super friendly and you wanted to be around him. His family moved from Cuba in the 60s. His brother said, "He was so strong, and was my rock through everything we ever went through. He was the light of my family." Reading about this guy and seeing him with his family got to me. These portraits don't get easier to make. It's so sad that we lost such BEAUTIFUL souls.
Juan Pablo Rivera Velazquez, 37. He worked at Alta Peluqueria D'Magazine salon in Kissimmee with Conde(his partner-who was also a victim) People said their salon was so kind. They would offer free services for women of domestic abuse. Conde and Juan were together for 14 years. One person said either one of them would give you the shirt off their back. People have been going to their salon leaving messages in chalk and leaving flowers. Someone said the messages left were a testament to how it was Juan's life work to make people feel special and beautiful. A friend that escaped Pulse and survived said, "They were that role model couple. They were my good mentors." The business owner next door said, "They were always together for everything. And now they are going to be together in heaven, sharing sharing that love. It's just so hard." I know from the pictures of the salon that I saw and from reading that they changed many lives and will be missed. I loved this photo I found of Juan from a photo shoot. It was not like the other photos. He was so beautiful inside and out. Remember to thank the people that are making an impact on your life. Remember to thank the people that make you feel special. Do it for Juan and Conde!
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30. He worked as an accountant and lived in downtown Orlando. He was at Pulse with friends. The dailymailuk had a great article about him, his mom, and his friends. One of his friends got away and separated from Eddie as the gunshots started. Eddie told his friend not to leave him, but they got separated anyway. Eddie was also texting his mom, Mina. He told her he was trapped in the bathroom. That he was going to die. And that he loved her. He also texted his boyfriend that he loved him. At his funeral over the week his mom collapsed and had to be carried on a stretcher. The two of them were very close. I know today is pride and these portraits are sad, but we must not forget. We must continue to honor their lives especially as we celebrate pride. I loved seeing the pictures of people marching in the NYC parade as a tribute to the victims.
Luis Daniel Conde, 39. I drew his partner a few days ago. They both owned a salon together in Kissimmee, FL. They had known each other since high school. Friend, De Leon, said- "The entire world. These two people were wonderful, wonderful people. To me, they're not gone. They're still here with us." There is more information about the couple on Juan's portrait. So many people loved these two guys.
Enrique Rios, 25. He is from Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. He worked at True Care Home Health Agency. He was a major in Social Work at St. Francis College. He was visiting Orlando for a friends birthday. A friend said, "Enrique was a wonderful person. He loved everybody and everybody who knew him loved him."
Gilberto Ramon Silva, 25. He was Puerto Rican. He lived Ian's worked in Orlando. He worked at a Speedway market. He was studying at Ana G. Mendez University's Orlando Campus. One of his cousins said, "He is my older brothers only child, and he was the light and life of all the family gatherings."
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31. He and his partner Oscar just bought a house together. They both died in Pulse. He worked as a general manager at McDonalds. He and his partner just returned from Niagara Falls. He loved to travel to different countries, so he worked hard to save up and see parts of the world. He loved to dance, ride bikes, water ski, salsa. His coworkers said he took pride in his job and always did the best, so others would follow his lead.
Geraldo Ortiz-Jimenez, 25. It's crazy to me that so many of them were around my age. Life cut so short. Geraldo's friends called him Drake. He loved Selena Gomez. He was in Orlando for her concert. He saw her and took a picture with her wax statue the night before. His friend said, "He was humble, simple, and charismatic. He was all good, hardworking, funny, and a dreamer." He loved to post selfies at the gym working out or singing Selena.
Oscar Aracena-Montero, 26. Here another beautiful soul that was my age. His boyfriend was Simon A. Carrillo. I drew him in light yellow. Simon and Oscar had just returned from Niagara Falls. They had three pet chihuahuas together. I thought that was cute, but probably annoying if they barked a lot. Oscar moved from the Dominican Republican with his father when he was a child. A friend said to the Orlando Sentinel, "He was a very sweet guy. Very sweet to everybody. Every time he met somebody they liked him a lot." He went to Valencia College. He also attended Ana G. Mendez University. His professor said, "Oscar's countenance brightened my classroom each week. He had a very positive attitude and outlook on life." I noticed a Gofundme to help with funeral cost and to get his body to his mother in the Dominican Republic.
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19. He was one the youngest of the victims. His mom was on the phone with him. She said she heard the gunshots getting closer and closer as he was hiding in the bathroom. He had recently graduated from high school. He loved to work out. He loved computers. He had an interest in photography. His uncle, Christopher, said, "He mentioned to me that he wanted to start taking pictures, he had a passion for photography. He was just real special."
Angel Luis Candelario-Padro, 28. He had recently moved from Chicago to Orlando to start a new life. He worked at Medical Eye Associates in Kissimmee. His manager said he had maybe been in Orlando four months. He was going to start a new job on June 20th at the Florida Retina Institute. He instructed Zumba in Chicago. He was a nurse technician and worked at Old Navy. His about me on Facebook says, "I'm adventurous, easy going but responsible man that would like to live the life completely." A friend said of him, "Angel had the best heart that you could imagine." ❤️
Frank Hernandez, 27. His tattoo read, "Love has no gender." He moved from Louisiana to Orlando, because Orlando was more accepting. His friends called him, Frankie. He managed Calvin Klein store. His sister said he taught her how to walk in heels. She said, "he was a really great big brother. I miss him so much already."
Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40. He came to the U.S. from Puerto Rico. He loved to go out with friends. He worked at Gucci in the Mall in Millenia. His friends said he was super outgoing and had a caring heart. He was a great make up artist.
Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25. He is originally from Mexico. He moved and made his home in Davenport, FL. He worked at Reunion Resort in Kissimmee. He was a supervisor at the resort. Jose Crisantos told the Orlando Sentinel, "He was very well known among us as very kind and loving. There was nobody else like him."
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21. He just moved from Cuba. His friend said, "He is the type of person who would see you in a parking lot and he'd have a whole conservation with you. Every interaction I had with him was always positive." His friend also said she saw him multiple times in Pulse. His friend said she went to Pulse even though she was straight, bc she felt like she had new friends each time. He was the 12th victim identified by the police. He is the last deceased victim of my tribute.
Patience Carter. Survivor. I really wanted to honor her, because I have listened to her poem so much. I can't imagine the guilt she felt. Her friend, Akyra, and her made it outside when the shootings started. They were with a third friend. Patience wanted to go back and rescue their friend. So- they did. Akyra ended up dying, and the friend they went to rescue survived. While Patience was in the hospital she turned to her creative outlet to honor the victims and speak of her own guilt. Below is an excerpt: “The guilt of feeling lucky to be alive is heavy. It’s like the weight of the ocean’s walls crushing uncontrolled by levies. It’s like being drug through the grass with a shattered leg and thrown on the back of a Chevy. It’s like being rushed to the hospital and being told you’re gonna make it when you’re laid beside individuals whose lives were brutally taken. The guilt of being alive is heavy.“
You can see the rest if you google her on YouTube. PLEASE go watch the full poem.
The last one is for everyone. For the families. For the queer kids. For the survivors. For friends. For Pulse family. For allies. For the Latinx community. For those who have stepped up to help fight homophobia. For those actively engaging to see change. For lawmakers fighting to create laws that protect the LGBTQ community. For those that marched. For those that dance the night away freely in gay clubs. For those in drag. For those that protested at Stonewall. For those who speak out against extremist religious views no matter Christian or Muslim. For those that pray. For those that have given money. For those who volunteered. For those that gave blood. For those who offered comfort. This is for everyone. When I first heard of the shooting- I was devastated. I was moved immediately to use my voice the way I was most fit. I've learned so much doing this. Mostly- to not ever become numb to injustice around you. Be humble. Sit in another's pain. Truly feel it. Relate to it. And ultimately- BE CHANGED BY IT.